I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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