NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
