I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
