covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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