when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize