Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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