Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
