I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
