i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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