don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
