Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
