Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
