babies were throwing up all over the place
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My penis needs a shock collar
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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