You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
