Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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