Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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