shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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