I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
