so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
