You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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