You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
