I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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