So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
