i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
