whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
