she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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