you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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