is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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