So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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