get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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