I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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