Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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