Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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