maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
