I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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