mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i think my cat just said my name.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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