i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
