just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
