He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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