tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
