he puts the penis in happiness.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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