YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
