The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
