I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
