Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
They have beer where we have blood.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
