I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
