I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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