Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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