he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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