We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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