btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
