maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I did not marry a roomba.
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