pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
