epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
