she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
