I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
