So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Can I color on your dick again?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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