Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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