Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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