How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
