I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
