I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
