there's paper in my vomit.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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