mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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