So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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