And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Randomize
