At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what day is it and did you see me today?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
