Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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