I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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