one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
