Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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