I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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