my vag is so smooth its legendary
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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