Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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