oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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