I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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