remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
