I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
