Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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