hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
